~Am Fucking Stress with My Feeling~

I feel really unstable right now...

I feel happy but just right after a moment I feel fucking sad...

What happen to me...

And I don't have anyone to talk to...

I don't know who can I talk to right now...

I want to text him to tell how I felt,

but then I afraid he will avoid me after I told him...

I feel like so "in the wrong direction" now...

(Hey...This is not about feeling ok...It's not that I want to tell him I love him...NO...)

But this something can really be serious if I don't do something else to confirm it and tell him what is really going on with me...

I don't know what to do now...

I want to talk to someone...

But who would that person be???

Who can understand my situation if I talk to them???

I don't want after I talk to them, they will start to blame me...

I really want to avoid that kind of thing to happen now...

I don't want that...

I so sad...

Really sad but I can't cry...

I need to smile...

Smile beautifully in front of everyone...

*Pictures From Google*

~Bipolar Disorder~

I used to Listen to one of my friend who told me about this bipolar disorder...

When I wonder if I fall under that category too since I know that I am mentally unstable...

So I done this online test about this thingy...

And I found this...Huhuhuhu...

Do I have this thingy???

~My life~

Last night I stay at one of my friend's house after I registered College Sakura

( for the second year life in UNIMAS.huhuhuhu... ).

This friend is somewhere somehow special for me.

I like the way he talk, because he talk directly and straight.

He is honest with what he want to say that what make him special actually.

But there also thing that I don't like about him.

He like to conclude.

When I do or say something, He like to conclude me...

It's make me sad and sometime angry ( even thought I am Not really that angry... )

But lately I know how to just ignore that..Hehehehe...

Because He make me smile a lot.

But there are something form him that make me want to laugh.

He really like to make action.

Action that I mean here is that He like people give him attention for occasion that He attend.

Therefore He will work hard to get that attention.

He spend money and time for his clothing and shoes.

Tee hee...

Sometime he can just woke up in the middle of a night to make sure that the choose he make early really show that action for tomorrow occasion..Hahahaha...

He is so funny...

Shoes is one of his favorite item.
He said He want to own each and every branded shoes in this world...
Wow...(That is in everyone mind when we listen to this statement...)
His dream of fashion is even higher then mine oo....Hohohoho...

~What The Fuck~

Today,while I want to find some info Google...I found something so disgusting...

I type "Is it normal to" then the search engine suggested "Is it normal to

eat period blood"...

Curiosity really make me to click on the suggestion...

And I found this yahoo answer thingy...

The man is asking yahoo about is it normal for his gf

eating her own period blood

from his "thingy" after they have sex...

OMG...I felt that I wanted to puke at that time...

Again what make so surprise is the best answer from yahoo answer saying that is "OKEY" for a girl to eat their own period blood...

Ewwww....Period blood contain womb...That is yuck...

~Meaw Meaw~

I really like cat so much...

The bigger the cat the better...

I like cat with nice fur...

I like...I like...

I want to share some pictures that I <3...

^-^V

Hei...Want to joing me here...-_-

Don't play-play with me...

I am sitting in the basket...Why?Why are they serving me with those pumpkin???

Feeling so Sleepy now...Huaaaa.....

I give this ball to you...Come...Play with me...Miawww....

Why are you looking at me like that???

Time to sleep now...Minasan oyasumi nasai...

I am hiding from that stupid rat...I hate the rat...

I know that I am adorable...hahahaha....

Don't have any energy to open my eyes now.....

~My Unstable Feeling~

I really can't deal with my feeling anymore...

feeling so unstable now...

I feel like this and at the next second it's just swing like that...

It's not only affect me,I know that...

It's affect people surround me...

But what can I do...

I can't really control how I feel now and later...

Knowing that I have this problem even making me stress thinking how am I going to stop all this...

I know that I not at the state where I am going to hurt myself...

But I am too afraid that I will reach that step without knowing that I am getting worst...

I want to tell someone...

But I don't who the person is...

It's not like I want to get that attention...

It's really hard to tell someone that don't understand my state...

For some of you out there think that what in my mind is nothing...

But it's really bothering me right now...

I want to stop those voices in my mind...

But the stronger the will,the louder the voices get into me...

Lot of people out there seeing that I am smiling...

But really,it's tiring to provide that smile...

I feel like I am a doll...

That is being control...by no one...

I can't control myself...

Just sometime can force myself to smile...

Hearing someone say you have a beautiful smile really make me happy...

But it's also making my heart to bleed at the same time...

This is all for today...

Writing really make me feel a bit better...

So please don't say that I do this for getting anyone attention...

Just to heal myself...

~Helping~

I feel really sad...

A friend told this to me today...

"Why you don't even try to help us?or you don't us to be happy?"

I feel like crying when I heard...

Only God know how hard I am trying to help them...

The thing they ask me to help is not an easy task...

Although I seem like a happy girl with a lot of friends,

but the fact is I only have "surface" friend...

I never have a friend that I really can talk 'heart to heart'...

I help them....but my friend can't help...

What can I do???

I feel really upset...I feel like hard stones are keep falling on me...

I am smiling...

but my heart...It's hurt...

I never though that he will say that...

Why no one want to understand me...

I am having enough burden with my study...

Being with you guys,hoping that I can be happy...

Huhuhuhu....