~Loneliness~

Hello again

Holidays make me away from my computer.

Having holiday will make my days full with movies, games, window shop and even my cousins, nieces and nephews.

Talking about all that make you guys thinks that I am not lonely.

But suddenly this loneliness feeling come attack me like from noways...

These few days keep me thinking that what have happen to my life?

That feeling keep attacking me.

The problem is I don't even know how to tell people.

people around already get used to the happy me smiling me.

What can I do now??

To whom should I be confess?

  

Nobody knows my problems

The bigger problem is no one care what my problems are.

Kill me...

~Virginity~

After a while, here I am again writing due to the boredom.

I wanted to talk about virginity

(Because it being like the hot topic in my university now)

Back to YEARS ago, virginity is something that is VERY IMPORTANT for the typical Asian Girl

And now as the time passes, for some reason virginity doesn't seem like the real deal anymore

But still there are some who opposing the idea of having sex before marriage

For me, I doesn't care much

If you are willingly accept either way of the life style I will still respect you

As long as you didn't bring any trouble to other people

But to girls out there

If you wanted lose your virginity for the first time (I mean before marriage)

I suggest you to think not only twice but hundred or thousand time

Because there are no turning back

(Even thought they said there are surgery that can build back your hymen,

but I don't know how true is that)

Once you step into that line, that's it

It's your new life

To guys out there

(I mean the one wanted sex before marriage)

Please make the desire of having sex is mutual between the two of you

Please don't force or 'blackmail' her into doing it

You need to make it pleasant for both of you

And guys

Please think about this

If you want your future wife to be a virgin

And do think you might as well want kept your girl virgin now

If every guys think that they wanted a virgin as their wife yet screwing all their girl

How are you suppose to find the little virgin wife

Right???

Unless you can accept your future wife as they are

Then, what can I say more

Anyway;

For the new couple that wanted to it out for the first time,

here is some link that maybe can help your first experience

(Figure out if you are not ready and how to tell your partner)

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-when-Someone-Is-Not-Ready-to-Have-Sex

http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-Someone-You-Are-Not-Ready-to-Have-Sex

(If you are ready, then...)

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-You-Are-Ready-to-Have-Sex

http://www.wikihow.com/Lose-Your-Virginity-Without-Pain-(Girls)

http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Safer-Sex

http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Healthy-Sex-Life-%28Teens%29

And for those who decided to keep their virginity until marriage, well done

And keep it up till the end 

~Learn Bidayuh Bau Jagoi (Colour)~

Now we will learn about some colours.

Red - Bilieah

Dark red - Bilieah pogiah

Yellow - Siia'

Too yellow - Siia' pogah

Green - Bilu

Blue - Bilu kodu

Black - Songot

Too black (refer to extreme dark skin colour) - Songot poto'

White - Moopuu'

Too white (refer to extreme white fair skin colour) - Moopuu' Suuwi'

And the other colours that are available, we just says it as the english word.

I don't know why.

But maybe that are the only colours that my ancestor know once upon the time...

^^

(See the bottom part's word all in English.

My ancestor only know the colour after British come...Hehehehe...)

~Learn Bidayuh Bau Jagoi~

This blogspot is about some words that is use in Bidayuh Bau Jagoi daily conversation

I              - oku' / ku' (the ( ' ) work as k)

You         - muu / mu'

He/she     - iyoh / yoh

we           - oto' / to'

us            - koih

you guys  - ingan

they         - nyaa muno' 

Some of the simple conversation:

How are you?

Oni abar mu'? / Oni abar muu?

How is he/she?

Oni abar yoh?

Good. And you?

Paguh. Muu neh?

He/she is fine.

Iyoh paguh leh.

Where you want to go?

Kaki muu ya' odi?

I want to go buy some thing.

Oku' yak odi milih balang.

Let's go to eat and drink.

Jak odi man duoh nuo'. ('duoh' can be two or and)

What do u eat?

Oni man mu'?

What do u drink?

Oni nuo' mu'?

What's time is now?

Pukul kudu adin?

What time we meet?

Pukul kudu oto' bidapod?

We meet at two.

Oto' bidapod pukul duoh.

Let's go out.

Jaa' luah.

Where is John? He is playing outside.

Kaki so' John? Yoh patie' de' sopak.

John play video game.

John main video game.

~Learn Bidayuh Bau Jagoi (Number)~

I have friend that requested me to write a blogpost about learning Bidayuh Bau Jagoi language

since she is dating a Bidayuh Bau guy.

So this is my blogpost to learn some easy Bidayuh Bau Jagoi language.

I think I would like to start from number;

0 - kosoong

1 - ni'

2 - duoh

3 - taruuh

4 - pat

5 - limoh

6 - nuu'om

7 - tu'

8 - moyih

9 - pili'e

10 - smo'ong

11 - smo'ong ni'

12 - smo'ong duoh

...

19 - smo'ong pili'e

20 - duoh puluk

21 - duoh puluk ni'

...

29 - duoh puluk pili'e

30 - taruh puluk

...

100 - slatus

101 - slatus ni'

....

1,000 - slibu

...

10,000 - smo'ong libu

...

That all about numbers... ^^

~My Mother Language~

I am a mixed blood.

My dad is Chinese and my mom is Bidayuh (indigenous in Sarawak).

Although Bidayuh is a race in Sarawak but Bidayuh people speak different Bidayuh language.

The language is differ according to where we from.

My family, we are from Bau, Jagoi, so we speak Bidayuh Jagoi language.

There many other Bidayuh language, such as:

• Bidayuh Bau, Jagoi
• Bidayuh Bau, Krokong
• Bidayuh Bau, Singgai
• Bidayuh Bau, Gumbang
• Bidayuh Bau, Tringgus
• Bidayuh Serian ( There are also like Bidayuh Bau where there are many different language that they speak)
• Bidayuh Padawan ( There are also like Bidayuh Bau where there are many different language that they speak)
• ...

That are the one that I know, probably there are more that I don't know. 

Although I am from Bidayuh Bau Jagoi, I can also speak good Bidayuh Bau Singgai.

Some of the words are the same, some are not and the dialect is different.

I can also understand a little bit of Bidayuh Serian language since I have friends from there.

The words are totally different.

Bidayuh is a race with so many culture.

But after many of us receive Christian as our religious, 

some of the culture also slowly gone with our ancestor.

But I still can see some of them when I am at the very young age.

The celebration of Gawai Dayak.

Gawai Dayak is a ceremony where the villager praise the 'Paddy God' for the good harvest that they gain for that year.

The true ceremony involve some spiritual 'things'.

But now we can still watch the ceremony which is kind of 'play back' without the actual spiritual part.

(Actually I want to share some of the real ceremony image but I lost them...Huhuhu...)

This is the traditional cloth that women wear if they are involve in the ceremony.

The ceremony is actually kind of spooky.

(At least that was how I felt when I watch the ceremony when I was young)

But now I am kind of miss it, since it is my family, my race culture and the young generation probably won't see or know about it anymore.

There are actually many things about Bidayuh.

But this is all that I can remember now.

So later...

Actually I can speak good Mandarin too since my dad is Chinese.

And I also love Chinese culture. ^^

~Running Man~

It's being a long time since my last post...

keep 'busy-ing' with my assignments, projects and exams.

So I feel like I want to write something today about what I like to do when I am stress and bored.

I am just another typical Asian girl that like Korean variety show. ^^

I like watch this show whenever I am bored and stress.

This show can make me laugh no matter how bad my mood was.

The show's title is RUNNING MAN!!!

Today I want to do a profile for every Running Man member from my Point of View.

The arrangement will be from the member I <3 the most to the member I <3 the least.

(All that I write down here is according to my point of view)

1st Place

Name: Kim Jong Kook

Nick Name: The Commander, Sparta Kook, Jong Kookie, Tiger

What I <3 about him/her: Smart, Masculine, Determine, Strong

What I don't like about him/her: -

Specialty: Bond with Haha, Almost a perfect Guy ^^, Have a detective 'sense'

Weakness: Girls

2nd Place

Name: Ha Dong Hong / Haha

Nick Name: Haroro

What I <3 about him/her: Funny

What I don't like about him/her: -

Specialty: Bond with Jong Kook

Weakness: Pretty Lady, Fear of height

3rd Place

Name: Song Jihyo

Nick Name: Ace, Mong-Jihyo, Monday Girlfriend (With Gary), Song Siblings (with Joong Ki)

What I <3 about him/her: Determine

What I don't like about him/her: -

Specialty: Fast, Monday Couple

Weakness: For me she don't have weaknesses

4th Place

Name: Kang Gary

Nick Name: Monday Boyfriend (with Jihyo)

What I <3 about him/her: True with his feeling toward the Monday Couple

(Although I know it's not true ^^)

What I don't like about him/her: -

Specialty: Monday Couple, Strong

Weakness: Always bullied by others

5th Place

Name: Yoo Jae Suk

Nick Name: Grassphoer, Yooruce Willis, Yoo Hyuk, Nation's MC

What I <3 about him/her: Funny, Smart(know a lot)

What I don't like about him/her: -

Specialty: Talk a lot, Know a lot

Weakness: Afraid of heigth

6th Place

Name: Song Joong Ki

Nick Name: Flower Joongki, Song Siblings (with Jihyo)

What I <3 about him/her: -

What I don't like about him/her: -

Specialty: Have a lot of general knowledge, Body balancing, Handsome

Weakness: Not good a anything else

7th Place

Name: Lee Kwang Su

Nick Name: The framer, Kwangvatar, Giraffe

What I <3 about him/her: -

What I don't like about him/her: Like to betray others

Specialty: Frame other

Weakness: Too many

8th Place

Name: Ji Suk Jin

Nick Name: Big Nose Hyungnim

What I <3 about him/her: -

What I don't like about him/her: -

Specialty: (Not sure)

Weakness: Too Many

So this all from me about them... ^^

I apologies if I have made any mistake...

~He~

picture from: http://makingmemories.typepad.com/makingmemories/gift_ideas/page/2/

What is between us???

What am I to you?

Friend?

Best friend?

Special friend?

Girl friend?

Lover?

Partner?

I can't get it...

But being around you make me feel calm...

Feel like I am running away from my school problem...

Feel like nothing else matter...

People say life is complicated...

I think I understand it more now...

My life is COMPLICATED...

The more I try to figure things out... The confusing I get...

I think we better just let it be...

You ask whether I like you...

I can't answer that because I can't guess how you feel...

For me, between us is not just like that...

You are more then that to me...

I just can't say it out...

Maybe silent is better then we try to know...

You play with words, minds, emotions and even expression...

So I really need to find the right words...

But normally I failed...

Hahahahaha....

I know there is a day when I can't talk to you anymore...

I can't laugh and smile with you...

I know the moment we share will only be the shared...

But before that time came...

Let just enjoy the moment we share now...

And remember it as the moment we ever shared before...

~Seven Bridges of Konigsberg~

Ever heard of the 7 bridges of konigsberg???

Konigsberg is a town that look like below>>>

*Picture by Google

I have the solution for the question:

Can we travel through all the bridges but only once each???

Hope you guys understand my solution and enjoy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTRO-K2LJLo&context=C47f31b4ADvjVQa1PpcFOXCJpVAdYqTVU0pcJGiTHs-nV-7UENLQ4=

~How I felt~

I don't know how to continue this relation anymore...

It is hard for me to cope with everything that you had done...

I am hurt...But I still smile for the sake of life...

Do you know it is hurt???

Do you even care about how I felt???

I Am fucking tired of this kind of relationship...

Please make all this clear for me...

If you felt that this relation is nothing...

Tell me...

I will be okay with it...

I don't care what is your decision as long as you tell me what is it...

So that I can make my own way...

My own decision...

Can you be a little considerate???

I ask nothing more then you explanation...

I don't want silentness...

All you know is to blame me...

But I did nothing wrong to you...

Can we just stop now...

I am tired!!!

~Language~

Next semester I want to take another 3rd language...

Last semester I already taken Japanese language...

I can read and write Hiragana and some Katakana...

(Even though very slow..Huhuhu...)

http://www.saiga-jp.com/japanese_language.html

So for next semester I think I want to take Germany language...

But I also thinking of taking France or Spanish...

Huhuhuhu...Out of all I can only choose one...

Which one should I choose...

Any idea???

お願い助けて...

~I know who I am~

This is me...

I know that I am not that pretty...

But at least I am perfect...

I have a pair of eyes,ears...I have one nose and mouth...

A pair of hands and legs...Right...

Thanks be to God...^^

I want to shared something here...

Do you guys ever heard of Logic Thinking in Discrete Mathematics maybe...

It is something like:

1. Only Girl wear gown.

2. Amanda wear gown.

Conclusion: Amanda is a girl.

@

1. Fruit is good.

2. Apple is fruit.

Conclusion: Apple is good.

You guys know that right...

So what I wan to shared here is something that really can help you...

Try not to give up or felt sad...

Because you are actually more then what you think you are...

So let think about this...

There is exist that "Nobody is perfect" is proven to be true...

And we always say that "I am nobody"...

Premise 1: Nobody is perfect.

Premise 2: I am nobody.

Conclusion: I am perfect....

So we are actually perfect in our own way...

So don't be so stressful about some small-small thing that people said about you...

Just be yourself...(If there is really nothing that you done wrong...)

That it for today sharing...See you guys next time...^^

~Day out with fish~

I went out to feed fish at the lake named "Tasik Cinta" in my school...

Quite a big lake actually...

There are so many fish in there...

So I want to share some of the picture that I took when I go there with one of my friend, Magdalene. ^^

Those fishes are happy because we feed them...^^

This is my friend ( the one that wear glasses ). In front of UNIMAS Student Pavilion.

This is how my school lake view...^^
It feel very warm and nice...

Like to go there when I felt stress...

~Smile in tears~

*Picture from Google*

I hate you so much

You can just steal away the light that brighten my way

The way that lead me to the right path

I need nothing more from you

Just the shimmer light of hope

Hope for me to still believing in Love

Love???

It's hurt

It's make me cry

Cry so silently

Cry with no tear

The pain I felt inside

Is a gift

Gift from you

And I appreciated it with smile

Nothing that I can beg from you

I don't dare to ask more

Felt like you are not mine

You are just like some imagination that penetrate my mind

Anyone know???

How hard to hide the tear

How hard to be smile when your heart broken into fine pieces

How hard to act cool when your blood is flowing in your brain

Do anyone know HOW THAT FUCKING THING FEEL like???

You guys can judge me

Just judge me the way you like it

But don't feel that you are good

Cause you are the worst ever

U never try to understand me before you judge me

Do u ever felt like this???

I never ask this to happen to me

NEVER

But this is happening

Why I didn't stop???

I FUCKING CAN'T

I wish I can

But how

HOW

How

how

??

?

~Friends~

Nak crita skit pasal kawan...

Siapa yang tau apa tu kawan yang sebetul2nya???

Saya tak kata lar yang saya ni takde kawan...

Ada, sangat banyak...

Tapi I wonder lah kan...

Dalam banyak2 kawan saya suma tu,ader x yang tau sapa kawan mereka ni sebenarnya???

Rasa nya x banyak yang dapat jawab soalan saya ni...Or xder langsung...

Maybe lah diaorg akan jawab something yang diaorg nampak saya buat tiap2 ari...

Or how I look like...

Tapi friends, kalo saya just act like that bcs korg nak saya act like that then macam mana plak kes tu?

So actually xder org yang betul2 kenal siapa saya...

Kat alam semester yang ala baru sekarang ni...

Most of human lah, diaorg cuma akan be friend dgn org yang akan bring benefit kat diaorg jer...

Kalo kawan yang bawa Problem tue...Huh...NO WAY lah nak kawan dgn dia kan...

Benefit yang saya maksudkan termasuk lah Frame, Glamour, $$$, or maybe nak tarik perhatian si anu2 yang rapat dgn kawan tue kan...

Maybe tgh baca2 post nie ada yang cakap takder lah mana ada saya kawan sebab nak suma tue...

But believe me my dear...You are...And I admit...Me too...(i think)

Okey maybe reason dia tak lah teruk cam yang saya mention kat atas tadi...

ok maybe reason dia sebab kita xnak nanti kita xda teman nak jalan pi class sama2...

Kita takut lonely kat kolej coz xder kawan...

Tu pun reason yang bg benefit gak kan...

Nak crita pasal kawan nie...memang banyak kes...

Ada yang kawan makan kawan...

Ada yang putus kawan bab laki yang kita minat tu suka kat kawan kita plak...

huhuhuhu...macam2 kes...

Apa kata lepas ni...

Kita tgk balik kawan2 kita...Tanya kat diri kita,kita ikhlas tak kawan nie...

Don't judge kerana orang nak kawan ngan kita...

Tapi judge lah kerana kita nak kawan ngn orang...

Betulkan diri kita...^^

Peace No War...

*Pictures From Google*

~New Look~

Halu...

If any of of that always follow my blog you will notice something different in my blog...

Erm...What is it???

Yeah...I had changed my blog template...

Actually this is not the best but since am tired to choose again so I decided to use this template...

The theme of this template is S.W.A.K

S.W.A.K mean Sealed With A Kiss

or maybe

Sent With A Kiss

Anyway...It is still ok...

I like it somewhere somehow...

Owh before I forgot ...

This is the link if any of you don't have ideas to change your template

http://www.leeloublogs.blogspot.com/

Well they offer some good template so hope you guys could enjoy browsing...

~When I am Bored~

Picture from http://goodluxedaily.blogspot.com

I am so damn bored today.

Most of my classes haven't really started yet.

So I spend my time to be online...

But still I don't know what to do...huhuhu...

Then I remember that my best friend, Tia asked me whether I want to buy perfume...

So I go to one of the site that she suggested...

Now I am addicted to those perfumes...

I feel like I want to collect of those perfume...

That site actually sale grand AAA and AA perfumes...

But since I don't have much $$$ I think that should be good enough for me...

The collections I like the most is from DKNY collection of course...

Because I really like sweet smell perfume...

Since the site is now giving promotion to those that want to buy...

So I think I will buy the DKNY collection that I want...Hahahaha...

That really make me happy today...

Spending money is one way to release bored and stress...

DKNY Be Delicious Series

DKNY Candy Apples Series

DKNY Be Delicious Charmingly

~Am Fucking Stress with My Feeling~

I feel really unstable right now...

I feel happy but just right after a moment I feel fucking sad...

What happen to me...

And I don't have anyone to talk to...

I don't know who can I talk to right now...

I want to text him to tell how I felt,

but then I afraid he will avoid me after I told him...

I feel like so "in the wrong direction" now...

(Hey...This is not about feeling ok...It's not that I want to tell him I love him...NO...)

But this something can really be serious if I don't do something else to confirm it and tell him what is really going on with me...

I don't know what to do now...

I want to talk to someone...

But who would that person be???

Who can understand my situation if I talk to them???

I don't want after I talk to them, they will start to blame me...

I really want to avoid that kind of thing to happen now...

I don't want that...

I so sad...

Really sad but I can't cry...

I need to smile...

Smile beautifully in front of everyone...

*Pictures From Google*

~Bipolar Disorder~

I used to Listen to one of my friend who told me about this bipolar disorder...

When I wonder if I fall under that category too since I know that I am mentally unstable...

So I done this online test about this thingy...

And I found this...Huhuhuhu...

Do I have this thingy???

~My life~

Last night I stay at one of my friend's house after I registered College Sakura

( for the second year life in UNIMAS.huhuhuhu... ).

This friend is somewhere somehow special for me.

I like the way he talk, because he talk directly and straight.

He is honest with what he want to say that what make him special actually.

But there also thing that I don't like about him.

He like to conclude.

When I do or say something, He like to conclude me...

It's make me sad and sometime angry ( even thought I am Not really that angry... )

But lately I know how to just ignore that..Hehehehe...

Because He make me smile a lot.

But there are something form him that make me want to laugh.

He really like to make action.

Action that I mean here is that He like people give him attention for occasion that He attend.

Therefore He will work hard to get that attention.

He spend money and time for his clothing and shoes.

Tee hee...

Sometime he can just woke up in the middle of a night to make sure that the choose he make early really show that action for tomorrow occasion..Hahahaha...

He is so funny...

Shoes is one of his favorite item.
He said He want to own each and every branded shoes in this world...
Wow...(That is in everyone mind when we listen to this statement...)
His dream of fashion is even higher then mine oo....Hohohoho...